I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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