Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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