A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
