but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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