1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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