You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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