I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
