Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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