Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
