they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
