Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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