we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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