yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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