if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
