if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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