fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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