If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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