thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im holly from the hills drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
