It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
