he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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