puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
