I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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