its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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