all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
