Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize