Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
