I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
