I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
