True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
