Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
