worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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