I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
