Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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