I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
