The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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