i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
