I wanna passion pit in your ass
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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