One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is my gift to your gina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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