I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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