Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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