Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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