I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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