So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
