And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
