connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
