I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
