Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
