she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
