Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
