i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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