I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
splinters make it hard to masturbate
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
