I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just invented taco cereal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize