I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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