If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
