Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
