Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
