I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
