3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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