Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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