...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
