um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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