dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
