We're like a lot better than the average bears
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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