I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
