He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
