i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We left an ass print on the piano.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
