I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
