I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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