Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
