My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
