At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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