Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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