dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am available for nakedness
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
