Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
