He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
