Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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