My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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