haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
