i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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