Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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