you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
