Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
