The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
