You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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