I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
