Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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